The Truth About Grief

I’ve long held the belief that you can experience joy simultaneously with other less than positive emotions. The past few weeks that theory has proven true for me. In August and September, my family lost three people. The loved ones that transitioned were different ages, and had different causes of death. Around the same time, I learned of loved ones of people I hold dear transitioning as well. And if that wasn’t enough to process, a colleague I just saw last week and was planning to see again in a couple weeks at a conference, passed away unexpectedly. For a time, it seemed like death was everywhere. And while I totally believe that death is a part of life, accepting that truth doesn’t make their absence here on Earth any easier.

When it comes to life, we often think we will have more time. We plan to take that trip, give that compliment, or spend that quality time another day. However, the truth is tomorrow is not promised for any of us, so we should be grateful for each day and cherish each moment. We sometimes think death will skip over some simply because we can’t imagine life without them here, but the reality is that isn’t true. Death is thought of by some as “the great equalizer” because we all will experience it some day.

While all of these life transitions around me at one time have been heavy, I still find and have joy. I was able to travel out of the country (for the first time since COVID began) to celebrate one of my good friend’s birthday. I’ve been able to see family that I haven’t seen in a while as we celebrate the lives of our loved ones. My little cousin who was anxious about driving got her driver’s license. Things both big and small make me smile and help amplify my joy.

Sometimes I feel a little guilty that I’m still enjoying life. That I didn’t call out from work just be sad. That I responded “great” when a coworker asked me how I was doing. Then I think life’s meant to be lived and my family wouldn’t want it any other way.

I’ve observed everyone does not experience grief the same way. Where one might sit with it for a while, another might keep themselves busy to avoid processing it immediately. While some might find it helpful to be around others, another person might prefer to retreat and spend time alone. There may be tears, lots and lots of tears or there could be none. There might be laughing, smiling and reflecting of a life well lived and the privilege to share space and time with such an amazing individual. All of these are right, if they feel right to you. Grief is personal and it might not make sense. It likely takes time and it definitely does not have to exclude joy. I find joy and comfort in the memories and legacies of those that left us behind.

If you’re grieving too, I am praying for you. I wish you peace and comfort to get through the days ahead. I hope you intentionally seek your joy. Go through the photos. Call family and friends. Eat at your favorite restaurant. Practice self-care. Do all the things. There’s no one or right way to grieve…whatever feels right to you. And to the ones who left us behind, may your memories live on forever.

Rest in Power,

Kerry, Aunt Julia Mae, Big Mark and Kristi